Tears

I am not sure exactly what is going on in my life right now... but then I guess that is not important... I am just trying to exists.

I want to make new friends... want to do new things and see new places but I guess I dont know how...

There is a lot out there and there is no Start button or place.. like on the old board game... "Begin at the box marked with "START""

I always thought life is like chess... one step forward... stop and think.. but what happens when you are tired of thinking? What happens.. when you just want to GO GO GO... but there is no clear direction how do you find one...

Do you just get on a place and go...

When I first moved here I wanted to document every day by taking a picture... but then... that didn't happen.. and it was a conscious decision as to why that didn't happen it's called... DEPRESSION...

Yes the one and only thing I have been trying to avoid... those days of pain... of endless pain... days that I was shut down and refused to move.. they are creeping back.. I don't know how or why,... I just know they are around the corner...

And I need to fight it.

The New Year!!!

Just the beginning...

Discovering myself has never been one of my priorities... and it comes to a complete surprise to me that now more than ever I realized that I font really exist..  Not in the physical sense of course... In the physical sense I m here.. alive and well...

But in the psychological sense... I think that I don't exist...

I am in a country that I don't feel home... I have a job which I like but I don't really like the place I work at... which makes it difficult to enjoy my actual job...  I have no friends... and no plans for anything...

And above all I m not sure what to do!